After the war
by irishfanficgal
Summary: A look at the time after the war, when the mental wounds are fresh and everyone is healing.


They're okay.

It's Harry's favourite lie to tell himself as he lies awake, Ginny's hair tickling his nose as she sleeps. It's been two weeks since the Battle of Hogwarts, two weeks of repairing and funerals and endless guilt when he looks into the eyes of those who are mourning and bitterness that he's still here. He's holed himself up in Grimmauld Place, him, Ginny, Hermione and Ron, and he's trying to pretend they haven't become ghosts. He closes his eyes and the faces flash. Fred. Remus. Tonks. So much death, and he's only eighteen but a war veteran and the word murderer haunts every bit of silence around him. Hermione's laugh has become shrill and almost manic, and Ron, the boy who sacrificed himself on a life size chess board at eleven to save his friend, the boy who could never sit still for more than a moment, has become the man who flinches every time the kettle boils. Ginny, his fierce Gin, has become older and hardened, and he hates that he has to coax the fire out of her in short match-like flames. Hates it has all come to this. They're all patchwork people and they're just kids and he thinks Mrs Weasley had it right when she said that they were all too young to know anything of war.

They all know it far too intimately now.

They visit the Burrow because it may be the only safe place left for any of them at this point. It's the place he yearned for everyday he was not at Hogwarts before this. Percy is withdrawn and his eyes are full of a laughing brother being struck with a curse that would silence his laugh forever. Arthur makes endless pots of tea and doesn't ask about rubber ducks. George doesn't tell jokes and is silent, and it is the most horrific bastardisation of a person he has ever seen. Mrs Weasley spends her days in bed, sobbing into a pillow that still smells like the son she'll never see again and Harry cannot help but think it should have been himself. He holds Ginny close when she tells about the times she would stay up all night after her first year, after Riddle's diary, and Fred would bring her sugar quills and let her talk for hours as they sat at her window until the sun rose. "He never did forgive himself for not seeing it you know. No matter how many times I told him I loved him and it was never his fault, I knew he still always blamed himself. I want to be the one to bring him candy and stay up with him now". She breaks down crying and as he holds her, George comes down from his room. She wracks out a broken apology but George is too used to being a big brother to consider it as true. So they sit and exchange stories about Fred, and Harry gets to know his friend much more than he ever had gotten the chance to when he was still breathing.

George makes his first joke that day and the sun gets just the tiniest bit brighter. Sugar quills are still Ginny's favourite sweet.

Visiting Teddy becomes part of his day, the toddler is innocent in all the ways he knows none of them will ever be again. Maybe they never were to begin with. Teddy is like life being pumped back into his lungs, and he holds him close terrified of him disappearing. Like his parents did. Like both of their parents did. Ron is talking about him becoming the youngest professional Quidditch player, and Hermione wants him to be the youngest Minister of Magic. Harry just wants him to be happy and grow old without a day's worth of fighting a war. He apologizes so many times, always when he sleeps and cannot hear the morbid words. Andromeda hears him once and it is the day he realises she has the Black temper. He stops apologising after that and becomes the best Godfather he can to the young boy, who trips over himself in excitement when he sees his Harry walk in the door and knows nothing of dark lords and wars.

Teddy will never live a day without knowing he is loved and he is safe. Harry cries in Ginny's arms when he realises this.

He brings him to The Burrow, and prays he is doing the right thing. Teddy roams and picks up plugs and batteries and begs to know what they are, and Arthur, who will not allow Harry to call him Mr Weasley anymore, cannot help but burst into explanations, all fast hand movements and tiny spurts of excitement. After Teddy, like all toddlers do, loses interest, he excuses himself to go to his shed for the first time since the Battle. It is late evening when he resurfaces, and he looks alive. Percy sits and listens while Teddy tells stories that could only come from such a young mind and he seems at peace, his eyes empty of phantoms and green flashes of light. "And the lion goes Raaawr. But I wasn't even scared" "Whoa! You must be the bravest boy that I've ever met. Not even scared of a lion!" It's heartbreaking to watch but it's also the most tender Harry has ever seen Percy, intent and focused and entirely sincere. George tells jokes and Teddy laughs harshly, not because he understands what was said just because he adores the man telling him. As he carries Teddy upstairs to see Molly, he is nervous of what reaction he may garner. He never wishes Teddy to know of rejection and hurt, but he cannot link Molly with these two things, even if he tries. She loves the child, as he holds her hand with both of his and tells her she looks sad. He offers a bandage and a hug, and she looks like she's going to fall apart completely. What innocence, to think such a thing would heal her heart.

He visits the next morning and Molly is cooking bacon. She's still in her dressing gown and not humming like she normally does but she's there and he hugs her because he has to.

He smokes when nobody is watching because his whole life he was fated to die and it still sometimes fills his lung with fear. Ginny never mentions when he climbs into bed, smelling of smoke and sadness. He thinks of being eleven and in such wonder at this new world that wanted him, the boy who lived in a cupboard. He thinks of growing up with the Marauders and knowing who the man sleeping in the compartment with the shabby coat as a blanket was. Sirius being happy and not as old, as battered, being his Godfather, teaching him curse words and pranks. Sirius without dementors stitched into his mind and azkaban forever keeping him hostage. He thinks of his father finding out he was the youngest seeker in a century and asking him for advice with girls. Thinks of his mother kissing his forehead whenever she sees him just because she can and howlers in the great hall over breakfast when he gets in trouble. He thinks about the siblings he would have had, of being a big brother. He thinks of a world where Voldemort never rose to power. Hermione catches him with a cigarette in his hand and they talk about their scars, the weight that comes with having them. She does not mention the smoking and parts of him are screaming at how wrong that is. Ron catches him next and it is with a strangled sob in his throat. "You died. You fucking died and you aren't allowed to do that again. I can't lose another brother".

He never smokes again, and he never mentions the moment again to Ron, who he just knows is grateful for it.

He goes for tea with McGonagall, and she insists he calls her Minerva. She tells him stories of his parents and he laughs at the antics of people who should never have been strangers to him. He tells her about the prophecy, how Dumbledore knew and he has never seen her so angry. She rages at the portrait of the man she once so dilligently looked up to, and Harry cannot help but feel slightly smug that she cares this much about him, before it is replaced with gratitude for the woman who bought him his first broom. She is to be headmistress and with that comes changes. Every trace of the Carries has been purged from Hogwarts, and with eyes shining with tears, she thanks him for casting the cruciartus curse for her. He calls her Minnie and she laughs and spring seems one step closer.

Hagrid's heavy sobs of joy when Harry hands him his Hogwarts acceptance letter, and his excited face when he is allowed to buy a new wand become new reasons to smile, and there are slowly becoming new reasons every day.

He meets Draco Malfoy at one of endless memorials, sees pain and guilt and such heavy regret that he slowly but surely, steadily, walks towards the boy with the impossible choice. He seems older now, they all do. Petty school rivalries have been tossed aside, everyone lost someone. He remembers Draco's face as he held his wand against Dumbledore, how young and fucking terrified he looked. Kill the leader of the light, or be killed by a monster that had festered in the worst parts of the dark. Harry realises Draco was torn apart, love for his mother and terror for his father, and he cannot help but pity the man greatly. Thirteen year old him would be appalled, as he holds his hand out to shake Draco's. The blond man looks startled, surprised there is no hatred and angry words from Harry. "I reckon we've all learned who the wrong sort is. They _lost_ and _we _remain. So I would like to take that offer of friendship up, that's if you don't mind". It is with the smallest of laughs, and an "I suppose you'll do Potter" that both know is nowhere near sincere that he forgives Draco fully for everything. He finds it heals parts he never knew needed to be fixed.

He sees glimmers of old Ron in his disbelief when he tells him he's going for a pint with Draco Malfoy. Until he rolls his eyes and murmurs "as if we needed any more strays around here" but it is light and joking and Ron Weasley is an entirely new person that he cannot wait to get to know all over again. They become friends with Draco, and everyone just accepts it as normal, though Draco sobs when he first sees Hermione, who tells him that she is not broken, and if she was it was in no way his fault. He thinks Draco begins forgiving himself that day.

Neville and Luna become a couple, Luna doesn't talk about Nargles anymore and Neville has become the Gryffindor he always was. Harry visits Longbottom Manor and talks to Neville, too seriously for their ages, about the war and the dreams and the fact they were meant to grow up together. He learns Alice was his godmother, and his mother was Neville's. He visits Saint Mungo's with Neville, and thinks of growing up with these people. They are like butterflies, unable to harm and unable to understand the want to hurt others, and he knows he would have loved them both. He thinks he already might. He hugs Neville like a brother, and tells him he is proud of who he has become, who he already was. Neville tells him he has no right to the guilt he has taken on, it lays in the hands of people who are so much older but never finished the job due to prophecies from half crazy alcoholic witches. He never knew how much he needed to hear that, but he falls asleep that night more easily than he has in months. He drops into Luna, and the positive witch, the strange girl he had always been fascinated by, has faded from her former glory. He begins to wear butterbeer cork necklaces and it's a safety net, an omen to keep away danger. She sighs one day and it holds every bit of angst from the ocean, and pulls one over her head and smiles. She tells him Neville wants to go hunting, him for exotic plants and her to discover the unknown creatures of the world. She is unsure, and the falter in her voice stops his heart. He tells her she is the bravest of them all, and she tells him that title falls upon, surprisingly, Molly Weasley. "She lost her son, a woman who has always been a mother in destiny then reality. I cannot imagine a greater pain for her, yet she carries on through it". He hugs Molly tighter that evening and she hugs back just as fiercely.

He laughs at the photos Neville and Luna send from their travels, most of all at the one of Luna hugging a grizzly bear as though a puppy. She is thinking of adopting it, apparently. The bear doesn't mind too much, it, like so every other creature, is enamoured with the girl with radish earrings.

He proposes to Ginny and she rolls her eyes. "We've been sharing a bed for months idiot. If you didn't marry me my family would have to kill you" she says it affectionately and as they announce it to the family, it is with an unspoken agreement that whatever Molly wants for this wedding will happen. He sits through hours of tastings and flowers and even choosing the colour of the invites, but seeing Molly smile between bites and laughing at the thoughts of him in a hot pink tux makes every second worth it. Ginny thinks so too, though she draws the line at a ten foot train on her dress. Arthur thanks him quietly, the day of the wedding,for allowing his wife this. "She's dreamed of everything for all of them you know, even you. All her babies. She just never dreamed of.." he trails off and Harry hugs the only father figure he's ever really known. "Fred is here you know. He's laughing that he didn't have to deal with the preparations and all the fuss, but he's here for his sister's wedding to see will I treat her properly. He'll haunt me forever if I don't". The Weasley brothers all circle him and tell him he's one of them now, and he's never belonged this much, not ever. Ron's speech as his best man makes him choke on a few tears, and Hermione's makes Ginny cry out of laughter. He is surrounded by all that he loves, and is shocked at just how many that is.

The days of empty reflection and survivor's guilt, the nights of PTSD flashbacks and nightmares and waiting for his scar to burn may never truly end, but as he sits amongst his family and friends he can say with certainty.

All was well.


End file.
